The story goes that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

话说两个好朋友正在穿越一个沙漠。途中他们忽然争吵了起来，其中一个一巴掌扇在另外一个人的脸上。

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand: "Today my best friend slapped me in the face."

被扇的那个人受了伤害，但他一句话也没有说，只是在沙子上写道：“今天我最要好的朋友打了我一个耳光。”

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

他们继续走下去，后来发现了一片绿洲，他们于是决定洗个澡。先前被打的那个人这时不小心陷入了一个泥潭里面，差点被淹死了，幸运的是他的朋友把他给救了出来。

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "Today my best friend saved my life."

他苏醒过来后，立刻在一块石头上写道：“今天我最要好的朋友救了我一命。”

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now you write on a stone. Why?"

扇过他耳光又救过他性命的朋友于是问他说：“我打了你之后你在沙子上写字，而现在你却在石头上写，为什么呢?”

The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us we should write it down in the sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in a stone where no wind can ever erase it."

写字的那个人回答说：“当我们被别人伤害了之后，我们应该把它写在沙子上，那样，宽容的风很快就会将其抹去，但当我们受到别人的帮助之后，我们必须将它刻在石头上，那样，风就不会轻易把它磨灭。”

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in the stone.

学会将你所受到的伤害写在沙子上，把别人给你的帮助记在石头上。

And research and personal observations show that the person who forgives is happier and perhaps even healthier. While the goal of forgiving may be noble, the effects are concrete.

而且有研究和个人观察表明，宽容待人不仅让人们感到更幸福快乐，或许还可以让人们变得更加健康。虽然我们宽容可能仅仅是为了显得高尚，但这带来的效果确实是实实在在的。

Richard Fitzgibbons cites these benefits to the one who forgives:

精神料医生菲士哲布斯提到以下这些宽容待人获得的好处：

Decreased levels of anger and hostility;

更好地缓解愤怒和敌意;

Increased feelings of love;

更好地感受爱与被爱;

Improved ability to control anger;

更好地控制怒火;

Enhanced capacity to trust;

更好地相信别人;

Freedom from the control of events of the past;

更好地走出过去的阴影;

No longer repeating negative behaviors;

更好地避免重蹈覆辙;

Improved physical health;

更好地提高身体健康水平;

Significant improvement in psychiatric disorders;

更好地改善精神紊乱;

On the other hand, one who cannot forgive may continue to suffer endlessly. There’s a Chinese proverb going like this, "The man who opts for revenge should dig two graves."

反而言之，一个不懂宽容的人或许会不断在无尽的痛苦中煎熬。中国有句谚语——“寻仇之人须存玉碎之心”。

From the work of Roy F. Baumeister, Julie Juola Exline, and Krisin L. Sommer come these findings: There is an emotional cost of refusing to forgive. If the perpetrator is someone the injured party must continue to see, each contact with the offender will cause the victim to feel upset again. Continuing to feel angry toward distant or dead perpetrators, over transgressions that cannot be changed, does nothing but make the injured party miserable. Forgiveness would release the victim, and would be a welcome relief.

Roy F. Baumeister、Julie Juola Exline和KrisinL. Sommer的研究发现：对他人的不宽容需要付出情感代价。如果被伤害的一方不得不继续和犯错的人打交道，那么每一次与之联系都会让被伤害者感到心烦意乱。而如果犯错者不再联系或已经故去，那么对那些已经发生而无法改变的错误无法释怀只会让人更痛苦。对他人宽容不仅可以减轻自己的伤痛，也会让他人感到欣慰和慰藉。